The Sound of Silence
by Scared of Pennies
Summary: After their father's death the boys are struggling to cope. When Dean's out of control behaviour leads to Sam getting seriously injured, how will the brothers deal?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Okay this is my first ever Supernatural fic so go easy on me. Expect lots of Limp!Sam and Protective!Guilty!Dean because frankly I think its delicious! Please tell me what you think!**

Sam was what you could describe as 'accustomed' to long car journeys. It went with the lifestyle. He was used to the long, winding, empty roads, the cramped conditions and the boredom but he couldn't remember a car journey that had ever been this…tense.

He'd always had Dean cracking jokes (mostly at Sam's expense), brotherly banter and off-key singing (mostly on Dean's part) but traveling in complete silence was something new.

Since their father's death Dean hadn't been the same. He was stoic, angry, he didn't talk and on the rare occurrences when he did he snapped.

Sam couldn't take it. He couldn't sit here and pretend that everything was okay. He couldn't act like their dad hadn't died; he couldn't act like everything was normal and not grieve because Dean 'didn't want to talk about it'. But Sam would never press it he had learnt first hand that this wasn't a good idea and he was too relieved at the fact that Dean was still here to push it any further.

So they stuck with silence.

With the absence of their usual mindless chatter Sam chose instead to stare out the window as the trees whipped past. He let out a tired sigh. He wanted things to go back to the way they were, to when they had a father, to when Dean was Dean, to when the demon hadn't said those things.

Sam was pulled from his thoughts by the car grinding to a halt and he looked up, finding himself at a gas station. He glanced across at his brother and grimaced as he noticed the dark circles surrounding his brother's eyes and the pallor of his skin. Dean had looked drained ever since they had left the hospital.

"Do you want me to fill her up?" Sam offered, breaking the silence and causing Dean to look up.

"Whatever." Dean mumbled indifferently and Sam swallowed hard. He didn't get out the car.

"Dean." He began but his brother looked up sensing the direction his brother wanted to take the conversation, or lack there of.

"Get some food, I'm starving."

Sam unbuckled his seatbelt resignedly and got out the car. The crisp air hit him as the breeze picked up and he sighed, relieved to be out of the car. He pulled out the pump and began filling up the car whilst his brother remained in the Impala staring at nothing in particular with a frown on his face.

Sam didn't know how much more of this he could take. It felt like he was slowly turning insane. He finished topping up the gas and headed over to the glass doors.

When he returned Dean was reclining back in the seat with his eyes closed looking completely beat. As Sam opened the door he jolted from his slip and blinked blearily across at the younger Winchester.

"Do you want me to drive?" Sam offered as Dean stifled a yawn, green eyes watering. Dean smirked slightly and sat up.

"Are you kidding me? I'm not letting you touch her…look what happened last time." He had meant the comment in jest but seeing the hurt flicker across his brother's eyes the smirk died from his face and he looked away.

"Did you get any food?" He asked as Sam collapsed into the passenger seat and pulled the door closed.

Sam tossed a bag of chips and M&Ms in response and Dean opened them greedily.

"By the way, we're uh…running low on cash. I've only got $5 left." Sam said quietly. Dean's comment had stung, he knew he was joking but it hurt all the same.

"Well I guess we'll have to hit some bars tonight then, hustle some." Dean said before pulling out of the gas station and back onto the road.

-------------------------------------------

As Dean eased the Impala into the parking spot outside the rather run-down looking bar Sam frowned. This was definitely not his kind of place but he wasn't going to say anything to Dean about it. They needed the money.

The Metallica track finished playing and skipped to next one. The familiar guitar chords filled the car and Sam tensed. It was Johnny Cash and one of Dad's favorite songs. Dean scowled and quickly reached forward and hit the stop button with a little more force than necessary.

"Dean, are we gonna talk about this?" Sam asked quietly and Dean stiffened next to him before turning to face Sam and glaring.

"What is there to talk about Sam? Dad is dead; talking about it isn't going to change that." He said sharply. What was it with Sam pressing this all the time? Couldn't he just give it a rest?

"Dean you can't just act like nothing's happened." Sam replied his frustration growing.

"Can't I?" Dean question angrily. He felt his hands tensing into fists and he quickly got out of the car, slamming the door. Sam followed suit.

"Dad wouldn't have wanted…" Sam began but he was cut off by his brother grabbing him by his shirt collar and shoving him back against the wall with force. Stunned, Sam gasped as the air was expelled from his lungs.

" What would you know about what Dad wanted? _You left_. You never cared, why start now?" Dean spat angrily as Sam looked up at his brother, wide-eyed and scared. This wasn't his brother. This wasn't Dean.

"Just…drop it Sam. Stay away from me." Dean said, releasing Sam and stalking off towards the bar.

Sam stood there alone and let out a shaky breath, his breath rising in smoking, curly plumes as he looked up at the sky. When had things got so fucked up?

-------------------------------------

Sam took a long swig from his beer and traced his fingers through the beer ring left on the battered bar surface. Dean had been playing pool for most of the night and seemed to be doing pretty well but Sam hadn't really been paying attention.

Dean's words kept ringing in his ears.

_Stay away from me_

_You never cared, why start now?_

He wished he could be like Dean and just bottle everything up and carry on but he couldn't. That wasn't the way he operated. He wanted to talk this through; he wanted to be able to talk about his Dad without being glared at or snapped at. He wanted his brother to start dealing with this. He wanted things the way they were.

The sound of yelling and breaking glass pulled him from his thoughts and he turned around. Dean was squared up to a taller, larger guy who looked angry, scratch that, furious.

Sam got to his feet and began to walk over and as he got closer he caught snatches of their conversation.

"You better give me that money back or I'll rearrange that pretty-boy face of yours. I know you've been cheating." The huge guy accused, pointing a beefy finger at Dean's chest. Dean however seemed unfazed; he almost looked like he was enjoying himself.

The huge guy shoved Dean slightly and Sam strode over.

"Hey, leave him alone." He interceded and both men turned to face him.

"Stay out of this Sammy." Dean growled and the beefy man grinned.

"Yeah, stay out of this Sammy." He mocked causing Sam and Dean to both scowl.

"Let him go and we'll sort this out." Sam tried to reason but both men ignored him.

"Give me my money." The guy demanded and Dean smirked.

"Make me you ugly fuck."

That seemed to be the last straw as the beefy guy shoved Dean backwards and landed a swift blow to his jaw causing Dean to stumble back and rub his jaw with a slight groan. He paused only for a second before leaping back and throwing three quick blows in succession to the huge guy's face. Sam tried to step forward into the fray but he was stopped by one of the big guy's friends.

Dean punched the guy hard in the stomach but before he could land another blow a glass bottle crashed down on his head, shattering and Dean crumpled to the ground in a heap.

Sam felt an explosion of anger and punched the guy holding him back, knocking him down before leaping at the huge guy. Taking him by surprise, Sam managed to land a few solid punches, his knuckles stinging. He was hit by an uppercut to the jaw and stumbled slightly, his jaw throbbing but he recovered and quickly knocked the guy to the ground with a well-placed right-hook. The huge guy punched Sam in the stomach and the air rushed from his lungs with an 'oof' sound.

Sam saw Dean still lying on the ground out-cold and scowled. He flew backwards as a quick punch to the face sent him reeling, stars bursting in his vision. Dizzy, he stumbled back onto his feet and charged at him, dimly aware of gasps from the crowd. It was a flurry of fists and Sam felt a few of his punches land but suddenly there was an explosion of white hot pain in his side.

The pain was blinding and he let out a gasp before landing a kick to the guys head, knocking him out immediately.

Sam staggered to his feet, panting heavily and his side throbbing angrily. Struggling to catch his breath and leaning heavily against the bar he touched his side gingerly and hissed, his black shirt was wet. He looked dazedly down at his fingers and found them slick with blood.

Shit.

His heart-beat was loud in his ears and he swallowed hard as he struggled to stay upright. He heard a groan and looked over to find Dean sitting up and holding his head, pain etched across his face.

"Aah…shit…my head." He groaned.

Sam held his side and winced before staggering over to Dean. He held out his other hand, offering to help him up but Dean batted it away impatiently and got to his feet.

"What happened?" He asked groggily looking down at the two guys lying on the floor. Then he remembered the huge guy who had knocked him out. He looked down at him and suppressed a smirk, Sammy had really messed him up.

"We better get out of here." Sam mumbled and Dean got a good look at his younger brother. He was pale and sweat glistened on his forehead and he could see angry red marks blossoming on his face which were soon going to turn into some pretty nasty bruises. As they walked out of the bar he didn't notice Sam holding his side and the grimace of pain he wore.

They arrived at the car and Dean pulled the keys out of his pocket, his head was steadily throbbing and he felt like he might be sick any second. Suddenly, the keys were plucked from his hand and he spun around to find Sam unlocking the door.

"What are you doing?" He asked angrily his head pounding. Sam proceeded to get into the driver's seat, ignoring the steady pulsing of pain in his side and the wetness trickling down it.

"You can barely walk straight Dean let alone drive, that's gonna need stitches." Sam said as Dean sighed resignedly, too tired to argue. Plus his head was hurting like a bitch.

"Fine." He mumbled.

-----------------------------------------------

As they arrived at the motel Sam leant back in the seat and closed his eyes. He felt cold and dizzy and he just wanted to sleep but he needed to get Dean sorted out and himself. He heard Dean open the car door and get out and he reluctantly opened his eyes.

He reached for the door handle and his side exploded in pain again causing him to let out a stifled gasp and his eyes watered.

He paused, recovering slightly before gingerly easing himself out of the car.

A wave of dizziness struck him and he leant heavily against the car breathing raggedly as he held his side and gritted his teeth.

He really didn't feel good. He needed to get himself stitched up.

"Sam…Sam…SAM!" Dean yelled and Sam jumped, unaware his eyes had been closed and he looked around dazedly to find Dean looking at him oddly.

"Huh?" He mumbled trying to focus on the two Deans that were swimming before him.

"What room number? Jeez what's wrong with you?" Dean asked as his brother stared at him, gaze slightly unfocused.

"Um…twen…twenty three." He stammered and Dean nodded, regretting it as his head throbbed angrily.

Sam somehow forced his legs to start moving and he slowly began to follow Dean. He really needed to lie down. His side hurt, his face hurt, his hands hurt and he was so tired. They reached their room and Sam let himself lean against the wall, his head spinning.

"I need the key." Dean said holding out his hand and Sam nodded tiredly. He fumbled in his pocket trying to find it and he thought he heard Dean mumble 'today would be nice'. Frowning he tried to concentrate but suddenly he found himself pitching forward.

Dean barely had time to react as all 6'5'' of his brother pitched forward onto him. Fumbling, he gently lowered himself and his brother to the ground wondering what on earth was happening with his brother.

"Sam? Sam…talk to me Sam what's wrong?" He said quickly as Sam blinked blearily up at him, his face white as paper and his eyes glazed with pain.

"Hurts Dean." He murmured weakly and Dean swallowed hard. He glanced down and noticed Sam was holding his side. Reaching forward he gently tried to pry Sam's hands away but he groaned and resisted.

"I'm just going to look, let me look." He said softly as he reached again and pulled Sam's hand away.

As Sam's hand came away slick with crimson Dean felt light-headed.

"Shit Sam." He breathed, he gently peeled back Sam's sodden shirt and blanched as he saw the deep wound in Sam's side. Blood was flowing freely and already pooling around his prone form.

"Oh fuck. Sam you fucking idiot. Why didn't you say anything?" Dean yelled trying desperately to keep the anger out of his voice as Sam grimaced and gasped in pain.

"I thought…I thought you'd get m..mad." Sam whispered weakly. He was so cold.

"Son of a…" Dean exclaimed angrily as he shrugged of his jacket.

"S…see." Sam whispered, eyes shining and Dean felt moisture stinging at his eyes. He blinked furiously and looked down at his brother, trying to ignore the pallor of his face and the blood all over his hands.

"I'm not mad Sammy. I'm not mad…look this is gonna hurt Sammy but I have to stop the bleeding." Dean said, his voice shaking slightly as he balled up his jacket.

Sam blinked up at his brother and swallowed hard.

"It's…S…Sam." He said and Dean smiled weakly. He pressed the jacket down hard on Sam's side and tried to block out Sam's yell of pain as his back arched and he screwed his eyes shut against the agony.

"Sorry."

Sam struggled to keep his eyes open, they were so damn heavy. He just wanted to sleep, to drift off and sleep, He was so tired.

"Hey! Hey, open your eyes. Sammy don't you go to sleep you hear me? You go to sleep I'll kick your ass." He said roughly as Sam struggled to open his eyes.

This was bad, this was really bad. Sam was bleeding out and Dean hadn't even noticed. This was all his fault. Fuck, what was he going to do? He couldn't lose Sam as well.

"Sam, this needs to be looked at. You need to get to the hospital." Dean said seriously as he continued to keep the pressure on Sam's side but the blood kept on flowing. They didn't have much time.

"It's j…just a …a scratch. You can fix it…right?" Sam said looking up at Dean as another shiver tore through him. He didn't want to go to the hospital and he knew Dean wouldn't, not so soon after Dad.

"No Sam I can't fix this…this is deep. You're bleeding out. You need help." Dean said his voice trembling as his brother looked up at him, green eyes clouded with pain.

"'M sorry Dean." Sam said shakily and Dean swallowed hard.

"This isn't your fault." He said softly. _It's mine_.

"No…I mean…a…about everything. I'm sorry about D…Dad, about…tr…trying to get you to talk. You're right…I…I." He stammered weakly, voice growing faint and tears brimming in his eyes.

"Hey, Hey…Sammy it's okay. You don't have to be sorry, this…this is my fault. I…I just miss him…I should understand that you deal with things differently. He was your Dad too and…I'm sorry Sammy." Dean replied shakily, struggling to hold things together.

"I'm…I'm gonna call an ambulance okay? You're gonna be okay because if you're not…"

"You'll kick my ass." Sam finished with a weak smile and Dean struggled to return it. Sam swallowed hard and shivered. He could barely focus on anything, his head felt…fuzzy, he watched as Dean pulled out his phone, one hand still pressing down on his abdomen. He was glad Dean had spoken to him. Maybe things would be better now…

"Yes, I need an ambulance. My brother was stabbed." Dean babbled quickly, keeping his gaze on his brother as he fought to keep his eyes open, just like he used to when he was a kid, determined to stay up past his bed-time and be a 'big boy'.

"Okay sir, can you tell me where you are?" The woman asked and Dean swallowed hard, how could she be so calm and collected when his brother was lying here bleeding to death?

"Um…the Montana Motel off 25th. Room 23." He stuttered in response.

"Is your brother awake? Is he breathing?"

"Yeah…he's awake…barely." Dean choked out as his brother coughed.

"Keep pressure on the wound and keep him talking until the ambulance gets there."

Dean hung up the phone and turned back to his brother who if possible looked even paler and was shivering uncontrollably.

"Sam, help's coming okay?" He said trying to sound calm and collected when he felt anything but. Sam nodded in response.

"It's cold." He murmured, his voice was heartbreakingly fragile and Dean thought he would lose it then and there.

_Watch out for your brother _

"Sammy I think you might be going into shock. I need you to keep calm, take deep breaths. Help is coming okay buddy?" Dean said as Sammy breathed raggedly, shivering and looking around dazedly.

"I…I know we never say it but…I…I love you D..Dean." Sam whispered weakly, it felt like it was taking all his energy to just keep his eyes open.

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat and blinked the moisture from his eyes.

"No Sammy, you're not doing this okay. Everything's fine. Don't do this." He said quickly, unable to keep the tremor from his voice.

"N..n..no ch..chick flick moments…r..right?" Sam shivered.

"That's right."

Sam shivered again harshly and he could feel the wetness around his side seeping down his pant leg. Maybe he'd just close his eyes for a little while…so tired…Dean.

Dean watched as Sam's eyes slid closed and his face went lax and his body limp. He felt a wave of icy terror bite through him and everything seemed to stop. He couldn't breathe.

"Sammy! Sam wake up. That's not funny man…Sammy wake up." He yelled, shaking Sam gently.

His hands trembling, he felt for a pulse. Waiting for what felt like hours for the familiar throb under his fingers…but it never came.

"Sam! Sam no! You can't do this to me. Sam you asshole wake up, wake up!" He yelled his voice ready to break as hot tears brimmed in his eyes.

"Dammit!" He cried brokenly. Threading his hands together, one over the other he pressed them down on Sam's chest and began compressions

1

2

3

4

5

Breathe! Come on Sammy dammit.

1

2

3

4

5

Breathe.

"Sammy, don't do this Sammy. Don't leave me…not you. Don't leave me Sammy." Dean pleaded desperately as tears ran freely down his face. He wasn't going to let this happen. He wasn't going to lose his brother as well.

He pinched his brother's nose and breathed for him again, waiting and watching for his chest to rise and fall on its own accord.

"Sam." He cried, tears burning his cheeks as he began another round of compressions.

He was met with silence

"Sam, fucking breathe! Fucking breathe Sam!" He begged.

Silence

Sirens echoed through the parking lot and blue and red lights washed over Sam's pallid face, blue and red salvation but Dean didn't stop. He wouldn't let him die. Sam was not going to die.

He wouldn't let him die.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thanks so much for the great reviews! I really appreciate it, I was nervous about posting this as I've never written any SN fic. Anyway enjoy.**

The paramedics had been forced to pry Dean away from his brother when they arrived. Dean had sat there stunned, leaning against the wall as they began to charge the defibrillators.

He felt sick as his brother's body bucked with the charge of electricity but he couldn't look away. Sammy had to be okay.

His hearing was fuzzy and he could barely understand what the medics were shouting to each other. All he knew was that his brother was bleeding to death and it was his fault. It was his fault for picking a stupid fight, his fault he was so angry because he refused to talk about dad, his fault Sam felt like he couldn't tell his brother when he had been stabbed for Christ's sake.

When they inserted a tube into Sam's throat Dean had to look away, his stomach churned with nausea. His hands and shirt were wet with blood, Sam's blood. He could smell the copper and his stomach lurched again, the night's events catching up with him.

Him shoving Sam

Yelling at him

Punching the guy at the bar

Sam collapsing

Sam's blood

Sam not breathing

He managed to turn sideways as he heaved and burning vomit rushed up his throat. Coughing and spluttering he heaved again sweat beading on his forehead with the strain as tears burned in his eyes.

He vaguely felt someone's hand on his back and low words but he couldn't think of anything other than Sammy.

He shrugged the hand off mumbling something about being fine before getting unsteadily to his feet. God his head hurt.

Sam was on a gurney, bloodied gauze pads strapped to his side and a tube leading to a bag protruding from Sam's mouth. As the female medic steadily squeezed the bag Dean felt like he might puke again, the realization that his brother couldn't even breathe by himself slamming into him like a fist.

"Can I ride with him?" Dean rasped, gesturing shakily towards the ambulance. The male medic frowned.

"I don't know I…there's not a lot of room and we need room to work on your brother." He said surveying the man before him, he could see he had a nasty head wound and a probable concussion and he had seen the state the man had been in when they had arrived, he obviously cared a lot about the kid and wasn't going to make things easy.

"Please, I need to be with my brother. Please." Dean pleaded; it wasn't often that he begged anyone for anything but he was begging now.

The medic sighed resignedly noting that it wouldn't be very responsible of him to let someone with a concussion drive there anyway.

"Fine, but you have to stay out of the way and let us work okay?" He asked and Dean nodded, frowning as pain flared in his head again.

Dean climbed unsteadily into the back of the ambulance and swallowed hard as he saw his brother lying there, already hooked up to a heart monitor. He couldn't stand to look at the tube in his brother's throat and the sodden gauze pads.

Sam was his brother, he was supposed to look after him but here he was watching as his brother fought for his life because of Dean.

He just prayed that Sam came through this- that they both did.

----------------------------------------

Dean had watched helplessly as his brother was wheeled away in a flurry of doctors and nurses and he had been left feeling completely alone in a bustling hospital hallway.

Now as he sat there he tried to ignore the stares he was attracting. You'd think someone covered in blood wouldn't attract too many stares in a friggin' hospital. He'd been urged to get his head looked at but he'd refused, he wasn't going anywhere until he saw Sammy or at least heard how he was doing.

So, he sat here waiting and hating every minute of it. He hated every second of not knowing if his brother was okay, not knowing if he was about to lose everything.

How could he have been so blind? How could he not have seen how much he was hurting his brother by shutting him out? All he did was snap at him or ignore him all together and somewhere along the way he had forgotten that John was Sam's dad too and Sam had lost him all the same.

He'd got up a few times to stretch his legs and poured himself a cup of coffee which sat on the table untouched before anyone came to speak to him. As soon as the Doctor walked into the room Dean shot to his feet.

"Are you here for Sam Wallace?" The doctor asked studying Dean's rather disheveled appearance.

"Yeah, is he okay? What's happening?" Dean asked quickly, trying to read the doctor's face for any sign of good or bad news.

"My name is Dr Murphy and I treated your brother. The stab wound he came in with was deep and he was already bleeding out, your brother's kidney was damaged and he was losing a lot of blood. We managed to replace some of the blood through transfusions in order to stabilize him but the kidney was losing blood faster than we could replace so we had to rush Sam to emergency surgery." The doctor said gravely as Dean swallowed hard trying to process all this information.

"In surgery they're going to repair the tear to the kidney and then your brother will be moved to recovery then depending if the surgery goes well into a room. I won't lie to you, things didn't look good when Sam was brought in, he lost a lot of blood but if the surgery goes well it is likely that he should make a full recovery." Dr Murphy said offering him a small smile.

Dean nodded numbly and scrubbed a hand over his face tiredly.

"How long until he'll be out of surgery?"

"I can't be sure but it'll be a few hours yet. Oh and I suggest you get your head checked out. You won't be much good to your brother if you have a brain hemorrhage." The doctor warned before turning to leave. Dean frowned. His head _was_ killing him and he had a few hours…

------------------------------

Time seemed to be crawling at a snail's pace for Dean. It had been two hours since the doctor had left and he had already had his head stitched up and drank three cups of coffee. He felt like he was slowly going insane. It had been half an hour since Sam had been moved to recovery so Dean at least knew his brother was alive and had made it through surgery which had quelled the feeling of terror gnawing at his insides but he needed to see his brother.

Everytime a doctor or a nurse walked past he felt himself balk, ready to leap up and go and see his brother but they always walked straight past. What was taking so long?

"Mr Wallace?"

Dean jumped up from his seat and found a petite red-headed nurse calling him.

"Your brother's been moved from recovery, you can see him now. I'll take you to his room." She said with a smile and Dean let out an audible sigh of relief.

Finally.

He followed her down the corridor to a small room and she stopped at the door.

"He'll be mostly asleep from the anesthesia and pretty groggy but that's to be expected. Call me if you need anything." She said kindly and Dean nodded swallowing hard.

He stared down at the door handle and gripped it, feeling the cool metal beneath his sweaty palms he turned it and slowly pushed it open and stepped inside. He was immediately met by the steady beeping and humming of several monitors.

The pallor of his brother's face made him feel sick, the dark circles under his eyes made him look more like a zombie than the Sam he knew.

He felt numb.

He lowered himself shakily into the seat next to Sam's bed and he let out a shaky sigh. He looked into Sam's impassive face and swallowed hard, remembering the hurt in his eyes as Dean snapped at him.

He just wanted Sam to wake up, to say something just so Dean would know he was okay, so he'd know he hadn't completely fucked things up.

He reached forward and gripped Sam's hand glad that Sam wasn't awake to see this. God when had he become a walking chick-flick moment?

"Hey Sammy…you planning on sleeping all day and leaving me to go crazy in here? You know I hate hospitals." He said with a weak smile as Sam lay there indifferently. He waited for a twitch, a noise anything that would let Dean know that Sammy was in there, that he could hear him.

"C'mon Sammy, seriously I'm going nuts. I'd even take your boring useless facts over sitting here in silence. It's pretty boring watching you sleep you know."

Nothing

Dean swallowed with difficulty as a painful lump rose in his throat. He just wanted him to wake up so he could take everything back. Why couldn't he ever do anything right? Why did he find it so hard to just show his feelings.

Maybe because once he opened the gates he was afraid of what would come out. The guilt, the anger, knowing it was his fault his father was dead, his fault Sam was lying here.

He'd always been taught to put on a mask, hide his feelings. They only got in the way.

He sighed as he watched his brother lying still and silent.

He needed him to wake up soon.

**A/N Sorry not a lot happened, setting the scene. It will get better soon, lots of Limp!Sam and Guilty!Dean. Sorry this sucked lol!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Sorry for the delay with this chapter but I've had GCSEs, for people who don't know what they are I suppose they're the equivalent of SATs and Finals. Not fun basically. So I tried to get this up as soon as possible between exams and revision. So here you go! Thanks for the great reviews, love you guys**! **Also, hopefully this will be my fic to join SFCOL(AR)S**

Dean shut the magazine with a sigh after finding he couldn't even take in a single word and set it down on the table next to the bed. His eyebrows knitted he surveyed his brother's still form. He hated seeing Sam just lying there so still. Sam always fretted and moved around in his sleep. His blankets usually ended up in a twisted mess around his long legs as he tossed and turn in his sleep but seeing Sam lying here like this, so still and straight was a constant reminder that Sam wasn't sleeping. He was unconscious.

He scrubbed a hand over his face and sat back in the chair. He didn't know how much more of this he could take. He needed Sam to hurry up and wake up.

"C'mon Sammy, wake up. Come on sleeping beauty I'm going nuts here. I mean why couldn't you have picked a better hospital? I mean I've only seen like two hot nurses." He said once again striking up a one-sided conversation, something he had become used to over the last two days.

Dean sighed defeated and began to fiddle with the blankets on his brother's bed absent-mindedly. He wanted Sam to wake up so he could take back all the terrible things he had said. He wanted to apologise but more than anything he wanted his brother back.

He blinked hard, his eyes itching with tiredness. Hospital chairs weren't exactly the most comfortable of all the furniture and he had spent the night unwilling to leave his brother's side and the nurses had seen that the terms visiting hours didn't apply to him.

Yawning widely his eyes watered and he stared up at the ceiling. How had he let things get this fucked up?

Then again when weren't things fucked up?

His eyelids growing heavier he let them slide close. He'd just rest them for a minute…

As Dean began to drift off a sudden groan caused him to jerk awake. He swallowed hard when he saw his brother frown deeply, his pale face contorting as he let out another groan.

"Sam? Sammy?" He called quickly leaning over his Sam's bed as his eyelids fluttered weakly.

Sam could hear someone calling his name…wait was that Dean? He felt so heavy, so sleepy. He just wanted to sink back into the welcoming, warm darkness but something was pulling him back to the surface.

His eyelids felt like bricks as he tried to pry them open. As they opened blinding lights cut in above him and he closed them quickly, coloured dots swimming through the darkness, imprints of the blinding lights.

Dean quickly took his brother's hand in his and felt his brother squeeze softly back. God it was good to feel an actual grip rather than the lax, limp hand he had been holding for the past two days.

"C'mon Sammy open your eyes, you know you can't wait to see this handsome face." Dean said with a grin as Sam's eyes slowly opened half-mast.

"I can't…see one anywhere…o…only your ugly mug." Sam half whispered, his throat felt like sandpaper. His whole body felt like a dead weight.

Dean grinned blinking moisture from his eyes.

"Bitch."

"Jerk." Sam whispered after a pause. Why did he feel so damn weak?

"Damn Sammy you had me scared for a while there." Dean said as he watched his brother swallow with difficulty, his eyelids still drooping heavily. Noticing his brother's grimace as he struggled to swallow again he quickly poured a glass of water from the pitcher on the table and held it to his brother's lips, neither saying anything about the awkwardness of the situation as Sam struggled to lift his head to meet the rim of the cup.

He slowly took small sips of the cool liquid and relished in the cooling sensation. As he shifted slightly in the bed his side flared with pain and he hissed. Instantly Dean was hovering again…this was really freaking him out, Dean being so…attentive. He could barely even remember what had happened…

He remembered the bar, bits and pieces about the fight…Dean on the ground…anger…the knife…the motel…shit.

"Is your…your head okay?" Sam asked struggling to stay awake.

Dean let out a breathless laugh.

"Sam I'm fine, I'm not the one who was bleeding to death." Dean said softly, swallowing hard. He'd come so close to losing his brother.

Sam saw the distant look in his brother's eyes but he was too tired and weak to press it. He felt like he'd run a marathon. Just talking was sapping away all his energy. Dean noticed his brother's struggle to keep awake and marked his pale complexion and the bruises marring his face and remembered that his brother had just come out of surgery, no wonder he was so exhausted.

"It's okay Sammy, go to sleep I'll be here when you wake up okay?" He said and noticed the relief in his brother's tired eyes as he smiled weakly.

"'kay…thanks Dean." He mumbled as he began to close his eyes. Dean frowned.

"For what?" He asked softly as Sam closed his eyes.

"Being here." He breathed out as he relaxed. His breathing deepened and he was asleep within seconds as Dean swallowed a lump in his throat.

"I know I haven't been there for you recently little brother but I'll always be here." He said but Sam was already gone.

--------------------------------

When Dean had told the doctors that Sam had woken up they had told him that was a good sign. Sam should make a full recovery and would be free to leave in a few weeks. The nurses had checked the stitches and his sats and said everything was looking okay. With this weight off his shoulders Dean felt better than he had in days.

Maybe things would be okay afterall. Sam was going to be okay and Dean would be there for him this time and he would apologise for everything he had said and done, for his selfishness. Usually he could read Sam like a book but he hadn't even noticed his brother was bleeding to death until he collapsed.

He wasn't going to let anything like this happen again.

Gripping a hot coffee in one hand he opened the door to Sam's room with his other and walked over to the chair. He smiled as he noticed Sam was awake.

"Hey, how're you feeling?" he asked as he took his seat next to Sam's bed.

Sam swallowed hard and looked across at Dean tiredly.

"Like I've been hit by a bus twice." He mumbled.

"What the same bus or two different buses?" Dean asked with a grin and Sam weakly flipped Dean the bird. Dean laughed. Sam was definitely back.

Sam sighed and felt a tickle in his throat, coughing he winced as his side flared with pain.

"Dude you okay?" Dean asked quickly and Sam frowned.

"Yeah, just the stitches…what's with the hovering Dean?" Sam asked with a slight smile. Dean sighed and sat back down.

"Sorry man it's just…I can't help but feel…I don't know, responsible for all this. It's my fault you're here Sam." Dean said unable to meet Sam's eyes.

Sam stopped for a second and watched his brother as he stared down at his shoes. He had no idea Dean would feel like this. Sure things had been rocky between them since Dad died but it wasn't Dean's fault, he didn't blame him for any of this.

"Dean this isn't your fault." Sam said wishing he could sit up and face his brother properly but his aching side and tired bones wouldn't let him. Dean simply shook his head.

"No Sam it is. I've been a complete dick since Dad died. I was so wrapped up in myself and you were right Sam I…I wasn't dealing with it and I should have talked about it…I…I was just so angry and…I miss him Sam and I can't deal with knowing it's my fault he died. You're all I…all I have left and I was such an idiot. If I hadn't have been so stupid and started that fight in that bar you wouldn't be here and I'm sorry Sammy I'm sorry." Dean babbled as tears welled in his eyes. He had been keeping this in and finally letting out, finally facing that this was all his fault was too much.

Sam felt moisture in his own eyes and blinked quickly. Easing himself further up in the bed he grabbed Dean's arm as hard as his weakened state would allow grabbing his attention and forcing him to look up at his brother.

"Look at me Dean. This is not your fault. It is not your fault Dad died and don't even think that it is. It was his choice and I know this probably makes me a horrible person but I'm glad he made that choice, I'm not saying I'm glad he's dead because I'm not, I miss him like hell but I don't know what I'd do if I lost you Dean. I know this is turning into some huge lame chick-flick moment but you need to understand that this is not your fault. I chose to fight those guys and if you carry on like this I'll have to kick your ass…or at least wait until I don't have a catheter." Sam said with a ghost of a smile as Dean let out a weak laugh.

The brothers sat there for a few moments in silence before Dean cleared his throat.

"Like you could kick my ass anyway Samantha." He said causing Sam to smile despite his throbbing side.

"Shutup, you're annoying me now anyway…I'm going to sleep…you should get some too you look like shit…you big girl." He added as he closed his eyes causing Dean to snort. He quickly wiped his eyes on the back of his sleeve and watched as Sam lay back against the pillows.

Watching his brother sleep he felt a surge of protectiveness and it felt like a weight had somehow been lifted from his shoulders.

Maybe he'd take his brother's advice and get some sleep. Or at least something to eat.

----------------------------

Sam swallowed hard, his head was pounding and his body felt like it was on fire. He was so hot. His side was throbbing continuously now, each pulse sending burning pain through his entire left side.

He could feel the light hospital gown sticking to him and he let out a small moan. He really didn't feel good.

Why was it so damn hot?

He cracked his eyelids opened and blinked heavily. The ceiling was swimming above him.

"Dean?" He whispered, his voice was cracked.

He swallowed again with difficulty but his mouth felt like it was coated in sandpaper.

Suddenly the heat left him and shivers coursed through him, the movement causing his side to sear again.

"Dean?"

Dean was pulled from his uneasy sleep by someone calling his name. Sitting up quickly he looked over at Sammy and his eyes widened. His brother looked awful. His face frowning with pain was shining with sweat and his eyes that darted around the room were glazed and unfocused. His long bangs were stuck to his forehead with sweat.

"Sammy? Sam what's wrong?" Dean asked frantically as he watched Sam shiver violently despite the heat pouring off him.

"I don'…I don' feel so good." Sam slurred and Dean felt panic rise in his stomach. Hands shaking he quickly pressed the call button by his brother's bed several times.

"It'll be okay Sammy…" Dean said as Sam breathed raggedly.

_It'll be okay…_

**A/N Tell me what you thought, loved it? Hated it?**

**Hopefully**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Thanks for taking the time to leave me reviews guys I really appreciate them! So, sorry about the cliffhanger on the last chapter but here is a new one for you, enjoy!**

* * *

Dean gripped his brother's hand tightly and smoothed the wet hair away from his sweat-beaded forehead and he felt panic grip his insides in a vice-like hold. Something was definitely wrong with his brother.

The door to the room opened and a nurse came in.

"Mr Wallace, you called for assistance?" She asked studying the good-looking brother that had all the nurses swooning over their coffee breaks. She personally preferred Sam, he had that innocent look about him.

"Please you gotta help him, something's wrong." Dean said urgently. Gone was the cocky, flirtacious guy that had been attempting to woo all the nurses and that immediately caught the young nurse's attention.

She hurried forward and pulled out Sam's chart and studied the monitors. Jesus, his temperature had shot up to 103.7. Why hadn't anybody seen this? She looked down at the young patient who was mumbling with his eyes closed and he was shining with a sheen of sweat.

Oh god, all signs were pointing to an infection.

"He's got a high temp. I'm just going to page his doctor and check his stitches okay?" She said and Dean nodded numbly, swallowing hard and his Adam's apple bobbing as he gripped his brother's hand.

She pulled back the blankets and gingerly pulled up the thin hospital gown. The white bandage had only a small spot of blood on it but as she pulled it back she grimaced. The whole area was red and she could already see small amounts of discharge around the wound. She gently touched the area surrounding it and winced at the heat radiating from the area.

This was not good. There was something about this guy that she immediately took a liking to and she really didn't want him to have to go through this. Quickly paging the doctor she adjusted Sam's IV.

"Is he okay? I mean he was fine earlier but now suddenly he's like this…" Dean said as Sam let out a low moan.

"It looks like Sam might have an infection. The doctor's going to come and he'll probably prescribe some antibiotics to sort this out and we'll re-suture and clean the wound." She said trying to assuage the obvious worry written across the older Winchester's face.

Almost on cue Dr Murphy walked through the door and strode over to the bed.

"What have we got?" He asked quickly and Nurse Gilmore quickly handed him the chart.

"His temps up to 103.8 and his wound is hot to the touch and there's definite discharge. His BP is on the rise." She said quickly.

"Okay this looks like definite infection. Give 5 milligrams of Zithromax and put in another line. If this fever gets any higher we'll have to use cold packs." He said scribbling down on the chart as the nurse injected something into Sam's IV.

"What's going on?" Dean asked.

"Sam's developed an infection so we're starting him on a round of antibiotics to stop it spreading and they should also bring down his fever. If these antibiotics don't work we'll try a different one. We're going to keep an eye on his fever and clean the wound."

Dean nodded and looked down at his little brother who had fallen into a fitful sleep.

"Will he be okay?" He asked as he sat down next to the bed.

"With the antibiotics this should clear up and he should be fine. It just means he'll have to stay here a little longer so we can monitor him." Dr Murphy said and Dean nodded.

"I'll be back later on my rounds to check on him."

"Thanks." Dean replied before turning back to his brother and letting out a shaky sigh.

"Jeez Sam you never make things easy do you?" He said with a strained smile. He watched his brother breathe in and out heavily, occasional chills still wracking his fevered body.

He hated this, he just wanted his brother to get better so they could get out of here and things could get back to normal. Not that normal had ever been tangible for the Winchesters.

The past few days had just been an extended chick-flick.

"God Sammy, are you trying to turn me into a girl like you?" Dean mumbled half to himself.

Scrubbing a hand over his face he yawned and realised he was still holding Sam's hand. Smirking he placed it gently back on the bed and leant back in the chair.

He really needed to get some sleep.

---------------------------

Sam felt like crap. No scratch that he felt worse than crap. His head was pounding steadily, his stomach was churning with nausea and his side was burning. All this and he hadn't even opened his eyes yet.

All he remembered was waking up and feeling like he was on fire, seeing Dean and then he must have passed out.

A small groan escaped his throat as he shifted in the bed and his side flared. That didn't feel good.

He cracked one eye open with difficulty before forcing the other open. The room was too bright and spinning slightly but he felt better than he had earlier. He swallowed with difficulty and fought the urge to close his eyes again, he was so damn tired.

His stomach lurched again dangerously and he breathed out deeply through his nose. He slowly turned his head to the right and let a smile ease across his face, his bruised jaw complaining slightly. Slumped in the chair next to his bed and snoring heavily was Dean, his mouth hanging slightly open.

Sam smiled despite his pounding head. Dean wasn't what you would call 'attractive' in his sleep.

He sighed and immediately felt a tickle in the back of his throat. He resisted the urge to cough knowing Dean was a light sleeper and it would wake him and he looked like he needed the rest.

His stomach churned again and lurched and Sam felt the familiar burning in his throat as spit began to pool in his mouth…Oh shit was all that crossed his mind and before he could even reach out for Dean or the call button he heaved and the meager contents of his stomach poured from his mouth and down his front in a burning rush of acid.

Sam groaned as the heaving motion tugged at his stitches and this time had the sense to at least lean over the bed before he heaved again, this time only bile rushing up his throat.

The liquid hit the floor with a sickening splatter and Sam's soft moan pulled Dean from his sleep. He opened his eyes and looked around dazedly before being met by the distinct smell of vomit.

He was immediately awake as he saw his brother heave, doubled over the side of the bed rail. Shit.

He quickly stumbled to his feet and rubbed Sam's back in small circling motions.

"It's okay buddy just breathe. Breathe through it." He soothed as tears leaked from Sam's closed eyes. With his other hand he pressed the button next to Sam's bed.

As Sam finished he collapsed back against his pillows, sweaty and exhausted and now covered in sick. Dean grimaced.

"It's okay we'll get you cleaned up." Dean said as Sam's breath hitched and tears rolled down his cheeks.

"I'm Sorry…sorry." He choked out.

He felt well and truly miserable.

"Hey, hey it's okay Sammy. It's not your fault you're sick." Dean said being careful not to step in the sick as the door opened and Nurse Gilmore entered again.

"He got sick." Dean explained and Sam rolled his eyes

"I think she can see that." Sam mumbled causing the young nurse to smile.

"Well nausea is a side-effect of the antibiotics you're on Sam. You contracted an infection. I can give you some anti-nausea medication and we'll get you cleaned up okay?" She said and Sam nodded miserably as Dean watched her walk over to the cupboard in the corner of the room and pull out a new hospital gown.

He couldn't help but check out her ass and curvy figure. Earlier he had been too worried about Sam to really check her out but damn she was hot.

She walked back over to the bed and pulled back the blankets.

"Let's get you out of this." She said and Dean raised an eyebrow at his brother as she leant over and pulled off the dirty gown and Sam flipped Dean the bird.

Haley couldn't help but appreciate the man's chiseled muscles and fine physique as she helped him into a clean gown.

"There you go." She said with a smile as she let him settle back down.

"I'll find out about that anti-nausea medication for you okay Sam?" She said and Sam nodded managing to smile.

"Thanks," he said softly and she felt her heart flutter at the site of his dimples.

As she left the room Dean let out a breath.

"Boy did you luck in with the nurses, she's hot…and speaking of hot I think she has the hots for you Sammy." Dean said sitting back down.

"Shutup Dean." Sam said with a trace of a smile. He swallowed and grimaced at the taste in his mouth.

"Can you uh…can you pass me some water." Sam said hating that he had to ask his brother to do everything for him. He felt like some kind of invalid. He couldn't wait to get out of here.

Dean passed Sam the cup of water and let him drink it before taking it back from him and placing it back on the nightstand.

"So nice to see you awake again." Dean said and Sam grinned.

"Yeah you too, I woke up to a friggin nose opera, it was driving me crazy." Sam replied and Dean looked affronted.

"I don't snore." He said indignantly and Sam snorted despite himself.

"Uh huh just like you don't drool either." Sam said causing Dean to scowl.

"Yeah well…shutup." Dean said failing to come up with a retort.

Sam smiled and rested his head back against the pillows. Even if he did feel like crap at least he had Dean to keep him from dying of boredom.

**A/N Sorry it was short. This fic will probably be wrapping up soon but I have a whole fleet of Plot Bunnies that keep leaping at me to sort through so a new fic should be popping up very soon after this one is finished. Also excuse my medical jargon as I know absolutely nothing.**


	5. Chapter 5

A/N **Sorry for the delay, thanks for the amazing reviews you guys are too kind. So, here is the new chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Kripke, nothing to me. **

Dean winced as he took a sip of the scalding coffee and sighed, placing it on the nightstand to cool down as he ran his tongue over his burning mouth.

It was safe to say Dean was bored out of his mind. The drugs they had put Sam on had him knocked out most of the time and when he woke up he was pretty out of it, exhausted. He hated this, he just wanted Sam to get better so they could get the hell out of here and hit the road again.

He wanted everything back to how it was. Well, not how it had been recently. He still felt guilty for the way he had treated Sam after Dad's…well after Dad.

He couldn't help replaying the cutting words, the shove he had given Sam outside the bar, the look of fear in his eyes.

Although the doctors had told him it was normal for Sam to be sleeping this long and being so groggy especially after surgery and the antibiotics he was on Dean couldn't help but worry that something was wrong. It was so un-like Sam, to be flitting between consciousness. He made his mind up and went for it; it's what made him so stubborn.

Sam let out a small moan and Dean immediately drew his attention to his brother. Lines of pain were etched across Sam's face and Dean swallowed hard immediately worried. Placing a hand on his forehead he found it slightly warm but not too bad. At the touch of his brother's cool hand Sam opened his eyes and found Dean standing over him.

"Hey." He rasped.

"Hey yourself." Dean replied the worry easing from him as his brother weakly eased himself up.

"Water." He croaked his throat feeling like sandpaper and Dean handed him a glass.

"You're always thirsty." Dean said absently and Sam smirked taking a sip.

"Well it's hard work lying here all the time." He said dryly, handing the now empty glass back to Dean.

"Well I'd trade, I think a bed of nails would be more comfortable than this chair." He grumbled, adjusting his position in a vain attempt to get comfortable. Sam yawned sleepily.

"Well the amount of time you spend in it I'm surprised the fibers haven't fused to you." Sam said thickly, sounding groggy even to himself. Dean snorted.

"Yeah well I have to make sure you don't get in any trouble, as accident prone as you are." He replied.

"I appreciate you being here Dean. I really do but the fact is…you're starting to stink worse than the stuff we hunt. Why don't you go to the motel, grab a shower and get some sleep otherwise you'll end up in here in a bed next to mine." Sam said surveying his brother's somewhat disheveled appearance.

Dean looked affronted and sniffed himself, grimacing. It had been a while since he had showered and slept in an actual bed. Maybe he had a point and Sam was getting better…

"I don't know Sam…" He began but Sam cut him off.

"Dean seriously, go…for the health of everyone else and before they have to cut you out of that chair." Sam said with a smile. Dean hid the trace of a smirk and nodded reluctantly.

"Fine, have it your way but I'll only be gone a few hours and then I'll be back and maybe I'll be an extra nice brother and bring you some normal food." He said with a grin and Sam immediately looked up, eyes wide and hopeful.

"Please Dean, I can't take more of their eggs…they tasted like soggy cardboard. Even you cook better eggs than that." He said and Dean snorted, they must be bad if Sam was saying his cooking was better.

"Alright alright. I'll be back soon, get some rest." He said heading towards the door.

"Back at ya." Sam replied as Dean pulled on his jacket and left.

Left alone Sam let out a weary sigh and settled down against his pillows, frowning against the building headache. He really didn't like how these meds made him feel. At least he didn't have to worry about Dean anymore; hopefully he would get some rest and have a shower.

Closing his eyes he sank into sleep.

-----------------------

When Sam woke up later Dean wasn't in the room but his nurse was. She was busy checking the monitors and scribbling notes on his chart.

Blinking blearily he shifted uncomfortably, he needed to drink again.

Why did he feel so…restless, uncomfortable? It was getting a little hard to catch his breath.

"Nice to see you awake Sam. How're you feeling?" the young nurse, Haley, asked him.

Sam swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing and his head aching, he wanted to reach for the water at his bedside but his whole body felt like lead. He hated this, being so dependent.

"Thirsty." He croaked out, his voice sounding scratchy. Haley smiled and poured some water, holding the glass out to Sam who sipped from it tentatively.

"Thanks." He said offering a wan smile. Haley felt herself melting slightly at the site of his white teeth and dimples.

"Well it looks like your temperature is rising slightly so I've given you something for that. Are you in any pain? How does your side feel?" She asked as Sam weakly shifted in the bed.

"It's hurting a little bit but not too bad." Sam said and Haley frowned. From what she had heard from his brother Sam wasn't one to complain about pain lightly.

"Alright well I'll give you something for that okay?" She said with a smile and Sam nodded, shifting again restlessly. She injected something into his IV and soon he was feeling warm and a little spacey. Sam was never a fan of opiates.

"Thanks." He said with a slight slur and Haley smiled.

"I'll be back to check on you later, don't go anywhere." She said and Sam smiled lopsidedly.

"I won't…waiting for Dean." He said softly, his eyelids growing heavy again before he drifted off.

----------------------

Dean whistled as he walked along the familiar corridor down to Sam's room holding a warm bag of food. He'd gotten a sandwich for Sam knowing he wouldn't be up for a greasy burger and he'd bought some juice and fruit and a burger for himself. He'd tease him about the pansy-ass food later.

Sam had been right, a warm shower and a few hours sleep had made him feel so much better but he wasn't going to tell him that. He reached the door and opened it with his free hand and edged into the room. He set down the bag and began to shrug off his jacket.

"You know Sammy I hope you appreciate the effort I had to go to, to find this rabbit food I…" He looked up to look at his brother and stopped, the grin sliding from his face as he took in his brother's appearance.

Sam was sleeping, his face looked ashen and clammy, his bangs were stuck to his forehead and there were large purpling bags under his eyes. He'd looked worse than he had with the infection and suddenly Dean was scared it had come back.

Striding towards the bed he placed a calloused hand on his forehead and found it radiating heat. Sam stirred under the touch and shifted restlessly before he groaned and cracked open heavy eyelids.

"Dean." He murmured and Dean placed a hand on Sam's shoulder.

"Sammy man you look like shit." He said honestly and a ghost of a smile tugged at Sam's lips.

"Sorry…if I'm not up to…poster boy standards…yet." He said between breaths. He couldn't catch his breath properly and they were coming in rapid gasps. Something was wrong.

"Sam what's wrong?" Dean said as his brother grimaced. Then suddenly he saw the rapid change in his brother's complexion as it paled a few shades.

"Sick." Sam managed to choke out before Dean thrust a bowl in front of his brother just in time to catch the small contents of Sam's stomach. He heaved violently and his stomach throbbed with pain with each movement. Sweat beaded across his face and he felt like he was going to pass out as he heaved again and burning liquid poured from his throat. He could feel Dean's hand rubbing circles on his back and holding him up.

Dean grimaced at the smell and satisfied that Sam was finished moved the bowl away but as he looked at the liquid in the bowl blind panic washed over him in an icy wave.

Blood.

Shit.

As Sam continued to pant from his bed Dean shakily put the bowl down, his heart hammering.

Fuck.

"Sam, shit…I'm gonna get the doctor." He said pressing the button rapidly, deja vu sweeping over him.

Sam didn't even seem to process his words as he lay there trying to catch his breath and ride out the pain in his stomach.

Within seconds nurses came into the room.

"What happened?" They asked quickly as they laid the bed down flat and began to check the monitors.

"I came in and he puked up blood, I think he has a fever and he can't catch his breath." Dean said quickly, unable to keep the tremor from his voice as the nurses looked at each other worriedly.

"Get Dr Murphy." The nurse Dean recognized as Haley said to the other.

"What's happening?" He asked, never having felt so utterly useless. He wanted to help his brother but this was out of his hands and he didn't like feeling so out of control, especially when it came to Sam.

"I don't know yet, we have to wait for the doctor." She said trying to calm Dean down but he could see the hesitation in her eyes. She knew something was wrong.

The nurse returned with Dr Murphy and another doctor he didn't recognize.

"What're his sats like?" He asked, immediately taking control over the room.

"Pulse is rapid and weak, tachychardic, fever of 104, brother says he was vomiting blood."

The doctor frowned and Dean watched, his heard pounding against his ribs. He wasn't going to lose his brother, he couldn't go through all this again.

"Looks like a bleed." He said quickly and Dean's mouth went dry. They pulled up Sam's gown revealing his abdomen and Dean could already see bruising. They began to press down on Sam's stomach and Sam let out a groan.

"Tenderness, definite guarding. Clammy to the touch. We need to take him for a CAT scan to see the extent." Dr Murphy said, pulling Sam's gown back down and scribbling something on the chart which he passed off to the nurse. They began to move Sam's bed and Dean watched, terrified.

"Can somebody tell me what's going on?" He asked, desperation clear in his voice as he looked between the doctors and nurses and back at Sam.

The doctor nodded to the nurses who wheeled Sam out of the room and the doctor looked back at Dean.

"It looks like Sam's developed a bleed. This could have been something we missed in surgery but it's only showing now. We're going to take him for a scan to see the extent of the damage and then he's going to have to go to surgery to repair it." He said surveying Dean seriously over his glasses.

Dean felt like he'd been punched in the stomach as he struggled to breathe. This couldn't be happening. Internal bleeding, scans, surgery?

How could this have happened?

"What are his chances? Is he going to be okay?" Dean asked, managing to find his voice. The doctor paused before sighing and leveling his eyes at Dean.

"I'll be honest with you, it's not ideal for Sam to be going into surgery- his body has already been weakened by the infection and he's not as stable as we'd have hoped but he has to have this surgery. Providing everything goes well and the bleed isn't a big one and we can stop it he'll make a full recovery but there is a chance this could be big and there is a small chance Sam might not make it. But stay positive, we have the best surgeons working on him."

Dean looked away, stunned. He could lose Sam. He might never see him again. It felt like the room was closing in on him. He wouldn't let Sam die, he was supposed to protect him, watch out for him. It was his fault he was in here in the first place, he had let him get stabbed and now he hadn't even noticed his brother getting worse.

His eyes stung as tears built but he blinked them away, he had to be strong for Sam.

"Will…will I be able to see him before surgery?" Dean stammered. The doctor offered a reassuring smile.

"After the scan we'll be prepping him and you can see him for a short while then." He replied softly and Dean nodded numbly.

"I'll take you to where he'll be taken so you can wait for him." He said and Dean nodded again, not trusting his voice as a painful lump had settled in his throat.

----------------------

Dean looked up as they wheeled his brother in, he had his eyes closed and was lying still and he still looked deathly pale.

"Sammy." He breathed as the doctors and nurses worked around him, preparing IVs and needles as the anesthesiologist prepared the anesthesia behind Dean.

Swallowing, Dean took Sam's limp hand in his own and squeezed. Dean bit back a cry of surprise as he felt Sam's hand squeeze his ever so slightly in return.

"De…" was all that Sam could manage in his half-conscious state but it was enough for Dean.

"Sam, hey buddy. Looks like you've got yourself into another mess and now you need to have surgery. But you're gonna be okay. I'll be there when you wake up okay?" Dean said softly as the nurses looked at him sadly.

Sam shook his head, looking distressed as tears welled in his large brown eyes.

"I…I don't want to Dean." He pleaded and Dean was suddenly reminded of a young Sam. He felt tears burn in his own eyes and he squeezed his hand again.

"You'll feel better Sam. It'll be okay. You're gonna be okay because if you're not you know I'll kick your ass." He said with a weak smile.

Sam managed to nod in response.

"I love you Dean." Sam mumbled and Dean felt like he was about to lose it.

"I love you too Sam now stop being such a girl, god you're a walking chick-flick moment." He said through blurred vision as Sam smiled weakly.

"Okay Sam, we're going to give you a shot of anesthesia now. Start counting back from ten." The doctor said leaning over Sam.

Sam looked at Dean as he felt the needle burn into his arm. If Dean said he'd be okay then he must be right.

10, 9, 8, 7, …6…

Dean watched as his brother drifted into sleep and gently released his hand.

"You'll be notified when your brother comes out of surgery Mr Wallace." The nurse said to him and Dean nodded numbly as he watched them take Sam away from him and he was left alone.

Now, all he had to do was wait…


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Sorry for the wait, I've had GCSEs and they really aren't a lot of fun. I had Maths this week which was horrific, god who invented all these stupid equations anyway? Aaanyhow enough of my educational trials and tribulations, here is the new chapter for you. It will probably be the last so THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the reviews. You really supported me through my first SN fic and gave the inspiration to start a second **_**Gone**_** check it out!. So here we go…**

2 hours and 48 minutes.

That was how long it had been since he had last seen Sam, since Sam had been wheeled away from him, scared, hurting and alone.

Questions and thoughts were constantly whizzing around his jumbled mind. Was it supposed to take this long? Why hadn't he heard anything? Is Sammy okay? Had something gone wrong?

Dean felt completely and utterly useless. This was one thing that he couldn't help Sam on, one thing he couldn't protect him from. Dean couldn't do anything to stop his little brother from hurting and it was tearing him up. Things were out of his hands, out of his control and he hated it.

He gripped the now cold coffee cup in his hand hard and let out a shaky sigh, his breath rose in smoky plumed into the dark night air and he looked up at the starry sky.

He hadn't been able to stay in the hospital, the busy corridors, the children shrieking, people crying. He wouldn't stay out here for much longer in case they were looking for him to tell him about Sam but he wanted to stay for a few more minutes. The quiet was relaxing and the cold was numbing him.

As much as he tried to force himself not to think about it he didn't know what he'd do if he lost Sam. He couldn't imagine a life without Sam, even when he was at college he knew he was there, in California.

2 hours and 51 minutes.

He needed his brother to be okay. If he wasn't he didn't know what it would do to him. The guilt was bad enough already, eating him up inside.

God, how could he have let this happen? This whole mess was his fucking fault. He was supposed to take care of Sam, it was his job but look what had happened. Sam was having surgery because some pricked stabbed him, because Dean was too busy being a selfish bastard to protect his brother.

A surge of anger washed over him in a hot wave of fury and he launched the polystyrene coffee cup across the hospital parking lot, black liquid spraying across the asphalt. Breathing heavily he got to his feet, pacing up and down across the entrance he blinked hard.

"_I love you Dean."_

His brother's softly spoken words echoed through his head and he stopped pacing, breath coming in shaky gasps. They never said that to each other, all the times he should have raced through his head and when he said it back he'd made some stupid jackass comment about chick-flicks.

2 hours 53 minutes.

He needed to get inside; they might have news on Sammy. He needed to be there. He'd promised he'd be there when Sam woke up and there was no way he was about to break his promise.

------------

It had been over 3 hours since Sam had been taken to surgery and Dean felt like he was about to lose it.

Who was it that said No news is good news? Well they were an idiot.

He was sick of looking up everytime a doctor walked down the hall only to have them walk past him. He wanted to see his brother.

The door at the end of the hall opened and Dean felt his heart leap as he saw it was Sam's doctor. He scrambled to his feet unsteadily and hurried over to the doctor.

"How is he? Is he okay? Did everything go alright?" He fired rapidly, the concern evident in his voice at the doctor held up a hand to still him. Dean desperately tried to read his face for any sign of whether it was good news or bad news.

"Dean, I think we should go somewhere a little more private." He said softly and Dean instantly felt panic rise inside of him in a sickening surge.

"No…No, you tell me now." He said his voice trembling as he looked desperately up at the doctor willing him to prove him wrong, willing him to assuage all his fears.

"Dean…I'm really sorry…There were complications and Sam's heart stopped beating…we couldn't get it started again. He died a few minutes ago."

Dean didn't even register the fact that suddenly he had slid to the floor. He couldn't feel the comforting hand on his shoulder. His heart was pounding in his ears at what felt like 100 decibels as he struggled to draw a breath. Hot tears poured unchecked down his face.

Sam's dead. He thought numbly. Gone.

The doctor was saying something to him but Dean wasn't listening

_He died a few minutes ago_

_He died a few minutes ago_

He died.

------------------

Dean's eyes snapped open and he desperately gasped for a breath as he shot out of his chair, eyes burning with tears as he looked around.

He was in the hospital.

It was a dream…fuck…FUCK.

He quickly swiped at the tears on his face and shakily looked at his watch. Only a few minutes had passed…it must have been a dream.

Oh please god let it have been a dream.

His heart was still pounding relentlessly in his ears and he gripped onto the wall to keep himself upright.

_He died a few minutes ago_

The words wouldn't stop echoing through his head.

He could feel himself shaking.

Then he saw the door open at the end of the corridor and Sam's doctor walked through…just like in the dream. Shit…what if it all just came true, what if he had to live his dream right now. Shit…

The doctor approached nearer and Dean struggled to swallow, his mouth was dry and his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth unpleasantly. Dr Murphy stopped in front of Dean and he couldn't bring himself to open his mouth and ask the question. He didn't want to ask if the answer was going to be that his brother was gone.

"Dean…Sam came through the surgery fine. We stopped the bleeding and Sam's stable and in recovery. We're putting him in a room now so you can see him." The doctor said with a smile.

Dean suddenly felt as if the whole weight of the universe had been lifted from his shoulders. Sam was okay, Sam was alive! He felt a grin break across his face and suddenly in a _very_ un-Dean-like gesture he pulled the doctor into a brief, tight hug before pulling away.

"Thank you…Thank you so much."

Dr Murphy looked slightly bewildered but allowed himself to smile. It was moments like these that made him glad he became a doctor.

"His room is 227. I'll be back to check on him in rounds. There will be some nurses in there so if you need anything just ask." He said with a smile before turning and leaving, leaving Dean alone in the hall.

Sam was alive.

_Sam came through the surgery fine_

He didn't think he'd ever heard a more beautiful sentence.

_-------------------_

Dean had stayed in the room all night whilst Sam slept. He was told it was to be expected from Sam to be sleeping a lot and when he woke up he'd be very groggy and weak. Dean didn't care as long as he did wake up.

He didn't like thinking how close he could have come to losing his brother.

He watched the steady rise and fall of Sam's chest and the peaceful expression on his pale face, his bangs hung over his eyes, standing out starkly against his skin.

Things were going to be different from now on, when Sam got out of here. He'd get better. They'd be better.

Suddenly he felt something touch his hand from its place resting on the side of the bed and he looked up in surprise to see Sam blinking blearily at him.

"Sam, you're awake." He said and he saw the trace of a smile as Sam swallowed with difficulty.

"Nice…observation." He croaked out and Dean grinned.

"Well it's about time, I've been watching you sleep for hours and to be honest it's getting pretty boring Samantha." Dean said and Sam smiled, blinking heavily.

"How're you feeling?" Dean asked. Sam paused almost as if mentally checking everything was okay.

"Tired, but better." He said truthfully.

"Good." Dean said feeling relieved.

"Dean?" Sam asked softly, voice barely audible.

"Yeah."

"About what I said earlier…I…I was pretty doped up but…I meant it." Sam said croakily and Dean swallowed hard, a painful lump forming in his throat as he looked over at his brother who was obviously fighting hard to stay awake.

"I meant it too." Dean said quietly and Sam smiled rather lopsidedly.

"Which part? Me being a walking chick-flick moment?" Sam said causing Dean to grin despite himself.

"Yeah that part too Samantha."

"Jerk."

"Bitch." Dean replied in usual routine as he watched his brother blink heavily, eyelids drooping.

"Sleep Sam." He said softly and Sam obeyed, eyes closing and breath evening out as he fell into sleep. Dean watched, studying his brother's impassive face.

Things were going to be okay.


End file.
